I’ll Give You Mine – First chapter sneak peek

I’ll Give You Mine – First chapter sneak peek

Hey, Beloveds!

Wednesday, July 5th, I’m releasing the highly anticipated finale of If You Give Me Yours! Here’s a look into the first chapter!


-Havana-

*Unedited*

My tears started to fall as I chuckled and shook my head in disbelief. How did my life get to this? Lord knows I was tired of fighting. Tired of trying to prove my place in this industry. Tired of being taken for granted. Taken advantage of. Maybe Silas was right. Maybe I didn’t have the power and presence.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, standing and grabbing my notebook and purse, “I’m leaving. I give up.”

“Give up? What are you talking about? Talk to me, Havana,” Grim pleaded, voice softening.

Wall tried to grab my arm to escort me out but I jerked it away from him.

“Silas canceled my contract. I’m no longer on the roster for M-Town Sounds.”

“Dead?”

“Yep. He said something about returning to drugs and wanting M-Town Sounds to be known solely for gangster music, so he no longer has a use for me.”

I found myself rolling my eyes and chuckling again as I got onto the elevator.

“Okay. Okay. Cool. This is cool. We can work with this…”

“No, Giovanni,” I massaged my temples and inhaled deeply before adding, “I’m tired. Maybe I’m not built for this. I’m over it.”

“Don’t start with that, Havana. You’re not stopping. You haven’t even started.”

“That’s the point!” I yelled a lot louder than I wanted to, kicking the wall of the elevator, “I’ve been at this for how long? And I don’t even have a name for myself. I’m done, Grim. This ain’t for me. I’m done.”

“Miss me with all that, pretty girl. I need you to sit tight until I get back to Memphis. Go to my place. You got your key, right?”

The elevator opened, and I slowly made my way to my car.

“Yea, but I think I’m about to go see my folks. Might spend the night there.”

“That’ll work. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Grim, no, don’t…”

“I will see you tomorrow, Havana. In the meantime, stay out of trouble. If something happened to you and I wasn’t there it would haunt me. Lay low until I get there, aight?”

“Okay.”

A few seconds passed before Grim asked, “You know I got you… right?”

“I know, Giovanni.”

“Stop calling me by my government. How many times I gotta tell you that?”

That made me smile for the first time since this morning. Since I woke up to his FaceTime request.

“How many times do I have to tell you it don’t matter how many times you tell me that? I like your name.”

“You smiling?”

Even harder now.

“Yes,” I answered, a lot softer than I intended to.

“That’s my girl. Let me know when you make it to your folks house.”

“Okay.”

He disconnected the call and I returned to my lonely. I wasn’t his girl. No matter how much I wanted to be. I couldn’t even deal with that right now, though. I had to deal with the fact that my contract and career was now over.


Hope you’re ready for the rest! See ya next week!

B. Love

 

I’m going to drive.

I’m going to drive.

After an eventful day Saturday I woke up Sunday feeling ill. I was hoping the little bug would quickly go away because the last thing I needed was to get sick. All Sunday night I tossed and turned… throat burning and keeping me up because of its itchy tightness. I was pretty sure that when I finally woke up this morning I would only feel worse.

I didn’t.

I felt better.

Still, I got up and made me some freshly squeezed orange juice and headed to Sprouts for more. Along with cough drops, I got some water and prepared to fight this thing out as naturally as I could. I had no plans of buying any medicine because 1. I wasn’t sure if it was a cold, sinuses, or whatever else the options were, and 2. The medicine doesn’t cure the illness. It simply numbs you to it to a certain extent as it makes its way out of you.

Medicine numbs you as sickness naturally makes its way out of you.

That’s when it hit me – I have been numbing myself to the natural sickness that has been trying to make its way out of me. No, I’m not talking about this cold that I’m currently battling. I’m talking about this sickness of self-sabotage.

See, self-sabotage isn’t always blatant. Sometimes it’s a tricky little booger. Sometimes it presents itself as something as simple as choosing NOT to take the first step when what you truly want is at step three. Or something as simple as NOT learning how to do something that will clearly open other doors for you. Or allowing fear to keep you from the next level. Or allowing comfort to keep you from reaching your full potential. Or settling for less than you deserve because you don’t want to better yourself and put in the work. Or simply staying stagnant because that’s easier than failing… when failure only comes from not trying.

You get the point.

Self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage is the act of getting in your OWN way. Procrastination. Extreme and unhealthy modesty. Acting AGAINST yourself. Basically, self-sabotage is committing actions (or not committing necessary actions) that interfere with your goals and growth. It’s when you’re your OWN worst enemy.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way I’m sure you’re wondering what does any of this have to do with this blog post? Well, this blog is kind of like my way of looking at my life from the outside in… in hopes that it will help you on your journey. The lesson that I learned today is that I must stop sabotaging myself. I have to stop doing those little things that have big impacts on my life.

Example – In all of my 27 years of life I have had absolutely no desire to drive on the expressway. It has never really been a problem until this year. This year I’ve desired not only to travel once a month but visit book clubs and festivals in other states as well. Yes, I can fly or ride the bus… but it would be a heck of a lot cheaper and more convenient to drive. Plus, I’d be able to lug all of the luggage and/or books I want, and have my own personal space. The problem with this is that I don’t drive on the expressway. My lack of a desire to drive has kept me from doing the two main things I’ve wanted to do all year. It’s so freaking simple, B. Just drive. Just get on the expressway and drive. In my stubborn and self-sabotaging ways I’ve unknowingly kept myself back by not driving on the expressway.

Sometimes it can be something as simple as this or as big as not going back to school to better your life for whatever reason. Or staying in that unhealthy relationship because you don’t think you deserve better. Or procrastinating and not going after that job because you’re insecure. Or overeating because you’re lonely and too afraid to go out and make new friends.

I don’t know what your cold is. What your sickness is. What your medicine has been numbing you to. If you’d like to share, feel free to do so. In the meantime, I’m going to drive. I’m going to drive and I’m going to live. 1477725

An offer you can’t refuse…

An offer you can’t refuse…

Okay, I get it.

Who wants to pay for and download a book that has over 500 pages when they aren’t even sure they’re going to like the book?

Even if it has over 120 5 star reviews.

I get it. I get it.

Let’s make this a little easier for you! For a very limited time, I’m offering a free sample of The Ashes: The Medina Sisters’ Story.

Yep.

Free.

As in… you ain’t got to pay for it!

Now, I want you to check out the synopsis and download this sample. If you like it, go ahead and buy the book on Amazon. It’s available as an eBook and paperback.

Free sample download

theashes

Synopsis –

Oscar and Selena Medina gave birth to four beautiful baby girls – Fury, Blaze, Arsen, and Red. Because of Oscar’s business, the girls grew up close and tough. As time progressed, the girls grew into women and their bond wavered. When Oscar goes missing the sisters reunite, and their already fragile bond completely unravels or ties into an infinity knot that not even death can pull loose.
As the oldest sister and leader, Fury has taken on the burden of finding their father. Her biggest adversary? Her mother. It seems strange to Fury that Selena so quickly and willingly gives up the search for her father, but she has a bigger battle to face – her heart. Her past. Her rekindled feelings for her childhood best friend and first love – Wade Lamar.
Blaze couldn’t care less either way about her father returning home alive. In her mind, all of her family let her down when she needed them most. Now that they need her, Blaze has no desire to help them find Oscar or grieve for him in his absence. All she cares about is herself and her business; until she meets Maddox Reyes.
Although Arsen isn’t the youngest of the sisters, she looks and acts the part. Her quiet and distant innocence has driven an even bigger wedge between her and her sisters. As if dealing with the disappearance of her father isn’t enough, Arsen has gotten herself into a bit of a sticky situation with her best friend, Morgan. She’s so embarrassed that she can’t even go to her big sisters for help. To her benefit, that help comes from Knox Hearst.
As the baby of the family, Red is used to being spoiled, coddled, and getting anything she wants. When she leaves for college and gets her first taste of independence she finds herself stressed beyond measure. Between trying to master five classes and work two jobs, Red is right at the brink of a meltdown that her family knows nothing about – until Nicholas Black comes to her aid with an offer she can’t refuse.
In The Ashes, these sisters are dealing with not only their own personal demons and issues, but they are also dealing with their father missing, secrets coming to the surface, and betrayal from those they least expected. At the end of their weary days all they have is each other… but with so much tension and distance between them… will that be enough?
The Ashes: The Medina Sisters’ Story is a 147,000-word novel with explicit language and some instances of instalove or love at first sight. If either of these aren’t your preference please skip The Ashes as an option for your reading pleasure.


Okay, I’m done! Download and enjoy!

New release – If you give me yours

New release – If you give me yours

Hey, beloveds!

My latest release is now available on Amazon! This one is for book and music lovers alike…

Synopsis –

Sulu Kano wasn’t a rapper who made gangster music; he was a gangster who rapped. With time and maturity, his desire to glorify a life he no longer lived or believed in began to fade. Wanting to use his power and platform for good instead of evil, Sulu sets out to become the voice of his people. There’s just one person standing in the way of his change… his manager – Silas.

Maisyn Young left Memphis almost ten years ago because her parents believed that was the only way she would survive. Between parents who struggled to make ends meet and bad influences, Chicago quickly became Maisyn’s safe haven and place of rebirth. Even still, she finds herself returning to Memphis for the M-Town Sounds talent competition. With a desire to fulfill her dreams and provide for her family, Maisyn is willing to do whatever it takes to make it big. There’s just one person standing in the way of her dreams… her new manager’s daughter – Conoshia.

Both Sulu and Maisyn have admired each other from afar, so when they find themselves in the same city and on the same record label it seems as if fate is the DJ for their musical and romantic collaboration. Their past ties and ex partners aren’t thrilled to see the two join forces out of fear that their love and music will take them to heights old lovers are too low to reach. With envy, secrets, and betrayal following Sulu and Maisyn at every turn they are left with one question; is love worth risking the success they’ve gained… or does that success mean nothing without each other?

*This is a fast paced instalove story where the characters experience love at first sight. “If You Give Me Yours” is book one of a two-part urban series. Although both books can be read as standalones the characters do overlap in each book. If either of these things go against your personal preference, please skip this novel on your search for literary entertainment.*

As always, thanks for your support and I hope you enjoy!

Book link!

If_you_give_me_yours

If you give me yours – sneak peek!

If you give me yours – sneak peek!

I can’t wait for my next release to go live on Amazon Wednesday, 6/14/17. Until then, here’s a sneak peek of “If you give me yours” enjoy!

The bathroom was the only place I could get any privacy. So here I was… sitting on the toilet. Rocking. Back and forth. Side to side. In circles. Face of stone. Heart of Jello. Of mush. Shaking and palpitating like I hadn’t done this before.

I’d done this before.

Lots of times.

But this time was different.

This was the final round of the M-Town Sounds record contract competition. I’d been blessed to make it through the first two rounds effortlessly. The first round I won via judges’ votes. The second round I won via crowd applause. This final round the judges would decide the woman that would be the newest member on the M-Town Sounds roster.

M-Town Sounds was not only the largest and most successful record label in Memphis and down south, but it was up there with the likes of Def Jam, Interscope, and Roc-A-Fella and what not. Yea, it was like a hood version of Def Jam.

A trembling hand pulled my phone out of my pocket. After sending a FaceTime request to my younger sister, Michelle, I inhaled deeply and tried to gather myself mentally and emotionally. If anyone could calm my nerves it was my family, but I didn’t want them to know I was so nervous I was considering backing out. This moment… this performance… these four minutes on the stage… they could not only change my life, but theirs as well. For years I’d carried the weight of my family on my shoulder, so I should be happy, right?

Michelle answered the FaceTime request and our brother, Pierre, was sitting next to her as usual. Just the sight of them together had me smiling and feeling more at ease.

“Maze!” they spoke simultaneously.

“What’s up, babes? What y’all doing?”

“Watching the competition on Facebook Live. They said you’re next. Where you at?” Pierre pried.

“In the bathroom. I just needed to see you guys before I went out.”

“You wanna talk to daddy?” Michelle asked.

I nodded and lowered my head. Pulling air deeply into my lungs slowed my thoughts down enough to keep them from overwhelming me. Why was I so nervous? I’d been writing music since twelve and performing since sixteen. This should be nothing to me. Whether I win or lose, Maze was a household name in hoods all across the world. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but I’ve done pretty well for myself. There was just… the matter of getting paid that had been an issue for me.

All of my money went to studio time, promoting and marketing, renting out venues and paying for DJ’s and stuff. This deal with M-Town Sounds would change that, though. That weight would be off me and on Silas, the labels creator and manager.

“You got this, Maze. Don’t trip. You’re a beast, big sis. God blessed you with this gift… and now… it’s finally making room for you,” Michelle assured me.

“Go out there and give them that Memphis and Chiraq swag that only you possess, Maze. It’s already won. This is just a formality. It’s yours, baby,” Pierre added.

I blew them both kisses and patted my chest softly.

“Thanks, babes. I love y’all.”

“We love you too.”

Michelle put the phone in front of our father and I swear the sight of his face… his condition… made me mad at myself.

Wednesday, you’ll be able to find out why Maze was mad!

Until next time,

Love, B.

If_you_give_me_yours

Beloved, it’s okay to be confident.

Beloved, it’s okay to be confident.

Happy Sunday! I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve done a blog for self-love Sunday, so here we are!

When you have people telling you things like, “You are too humble,” “Stop sleeping on yourself,” and, “You are way too intelligent and talented to be where you are. What’s holding you back?” it’s time to do some self-evaluation. At the end of my evaluation I realized the problem isn’t that I’m too humble, sleeping on myself, or anything of that nature. The problem is that I wasn’t confident in myself and in turn I wasn’t releasing that confidence into the world.

I wasn’t advertising my confidence. My abilities. My talent. My knowledge. My POWER. My freaking BLACK GIRL MAGIC. Those things that make me uniquely ME.

I’ve seen it time and time again… you know… the power of boosting. The power of promotion. The power of standing behind a person, product, book, whatever the case may be… and the belief in that thing being so real and confident that it has made people believe in that thing too.

That’s what confidence does. Confidence = The feeling or belief that someone can rely on something or someone; firm belief. Trust. Faith. Conviction. The state of feeling certain about the truth of something. A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s abilities or qualities.

Confidence, beloved, is basically BELIEF in yourself. Your talent. Your gift. Your craft. Your appearance. Your… YOU. It’s trusting in yourself and your abilities. It’s being certain that you’re a bad a* that can get things done!

I can pretty much guarantee you that if a business chose two forms of promotion – an ad with their product name and uses and a video testimonial with someone describing how that product helped them and that they’re sure it will work for the viewers watching that the video will bring in far more sales than the ad.

People connect with people. More than that, they connect with genuine confidence. If I told you how great my book was and I was super confident that you would enjoy it, you’d try it wouldn’t you? But if I simply posted that I wrote a book would that catch your interest? How am I going to get you to take a chance on me and believe in me if I don’t even believe in myself?

That’s where confidence comes in.

People who love themselves are confident. They are confident in the God in them. They are confident in their talents. Their gifting. Their love. Their appearance. Even in their weaknesses and challenges, truly confident people will either work to correct those weaknesses or display them proudly as that which makes them human — still putting their confidence in full display.

Listen, beloved, you have to believe in yourself. You have to believe in yourself because if you don’t no one else will. You have to be your biggest fan. You’ve spent enough time being your hardest critic and worst enemy. You have to confidently release your gifts and purpose to the world. Make them believe in what you have to offer. YOU are POWERFUL, but YOU have to believe it. You have to tap into that power and release it to the world. It will NOT do it for you.

sl8

 

The Ashes: The Medina Sisters’ Story is now available on Amazon!

The Ashes: The Medina Sisters’ Story is now available on Amazon!

My magnum opus… my longest novel… my best work… is now available on Amazon!

Click here to purchase!

theashes

Synopsis –

Oscar and Selena Medina gave birth to four beautiful baby girls – Fury, Blaze, Arsen, and Red. Because of Oscar’s business, the girls grew up close and tough. As time progressed, the girls grew into women and their bond wavered. When Oscar goes missing the sisters reunite, and their already fragile bond completely unravels or ties into an infinity knot that not even death can pull loose.
As the oldest sister and leader, Fury has taken on the burden of finding their father. Her biggest adversary? Her mother. It seems strange to Fury that Selena so quickly and willingly gives up the search for her father, but she has a bigger battle to face – her heart. Her past. Her rekindled feelings for her childhood best friend and first love – Wade Lamar.
Blaze couldn’t care less either way about her father returning home alive. In her mind, all of her family let her down when she needed them most. Now that they need her, Blaze has no desire to help them find Oscar or grieve for him in his absence. All she cares about is herself and her business; until she meets Maddox Reyes.
Although Arsen isn’t the youngest of the sisters, she looks and acts the part. Her quiet and distant innocence has driven an even bigger wedge between her and her sisters. As if dealing with the disappearance of her father isn’t enough, Arsen has gotten herself into a bit of a sticky situation with her best friend, Morgan. She’s so embarrassed that she can’t even go to her big sisters for help. To her benefit, that help comes from Knox Hearst.
As the baby of the family, Red is used to being spoiled, coddled, and getting anything she wants. When she leaves for college and gets her first taste of independence she finds herself stressed beyond measure. Between trying to master five classes and work two jobs, Red is right at the brink of a meltdown that her family knows nothing about – until Nicholas Black comes to her aid with an offer she can’t refuse.
In The Ashes, these sisters are dealing with not only their own personal demons and issues, but they are also dealing with their father missing, secrets coming to the surface, and betrayal from those they least expected. At the end of their weary days all they have is each other… but with so much tension and distance between them… will that be enough?
The Ashes: The Medina Sisters’ Story is a 147,000-word novel with explicit language and some instances of instalove or love at first sight. If either of these aren’t your preference please skip The Ashes as an option for your reading pleasure.

Sneak peek –

“This,” Selena’s cracked voice whispered into the microphone. She clutched the black Guess glasses case tighter in her hands while her eyes closed, “This is heavier than any casket since this is all that I have left of my husband.”

Fury’s eyes lowered to the case in her mother’s hands.

“I knew that this was Smokey’s because of the red strip of paint on the side,” her quivering lips smiled as tears flooded and fled her eyes, “And this is all that was found here outside of his car when Smokey went missing. It’s been six weeks… the hardest six weeks of me and my daughters’ lives. We don’t want to give up on Smokey, but I decided to have this memorial because we need to heal. We need to be at peace. We need to let him go and continue to live.”

“This is some bullshit,” Fury mumbled under her breath.

She stood and walked briskly out of the room. Fury hadn’t even made it outside good before she was pulling her marijuana filled blunt from out of her purse along with her lighter. Trembling fingers and nerves made it difficult for her to light the blunt, but her trembling wasn’t from sadness like her mothers was over her father’s disappearance. Her trembling came from anger. Anger at the fact that her mother had called off the search for her father, Oscar, and was accepting the fact that he was dead without having any proof. Fury was the only person that believed Oscar was still alive somewhere, and the weight of having to search for her father on her own was beginning to slowly take a toll on her.

After flicking the metal spark wheel of her lighter for the third time and not being able to catch a flame, Fury cursed under her breath again as she lifted her arm in preparation to throw the lighter. An arm circled around her. Its hand, bigger and a tad darker than hers, covered Fury’s hand and kept her from throwing the lighter. The hand tightened its grip around hers, and even though she couldn’t see his face she knew who the hand belonged to.

Fury could never forget that hand.

She would never forget the long scar on the palm of it.

Or his long fingers.

Or his chewed nails.

Or his smooth skin.

She may not have seen or felt those hands in twelve years, but she’d never forgotten them.

Or how he got that scar in the first place.

If Fury was the typical emotional woman or one of her sister’s tears might’ve escaped her, but they wouldn’t. Not in front of him anyway.

Her exhale came out hard and loud as Wade lifted his hand and took the lighter from hers. Fury put the blunt between her lips and closed her eyes as Wade walked around her. She wasn’t ready to see his face yet. Not the face of the only man she’d ever wanted and had never been able to have. The only man who’d ever broken her heart and rejected all she had to offer. Okay, so she was only fourteen when he left so she didn’t really have much to offer, but her love should’ve been enough.

Wade effortlessly sparked a fire and lit Fury’s blunt. She puffed it twice before removing it from her lips and opening her eyes.

This wasn’t the eighteen-year-old scrawny young man that left her years ago. This was a tall, muscular, fully grown man. Wade’s syrup brown skin had Fury wondering if it tasted as sweet as its rich smooth color looked. His square face and strong jaw made him look manly. The short box beard made him look rugged. But his high cheek bones, oval tight eyes, and round brown lips made him look beautiful.

“I figured you wanted to be alone,” Wade started, causing Fury’s eyes to clamp shut. His gruff voice had deepened over the years, “But I just… wanted to check on you, Pikachu.”

She couldn’t resist chuckling as her eyes opened. Fury hadn’t heard that nickname in years, and although hearing it now made her heart skip a beat, it also made it churn.

“I’m fine,” startled by the hoarse sound of her own voice, Fury cleared her throat before continuing. She hadn’t spoken to anyone, including herself, in the past three days that she’d been locked inside of her condo, “What are you doing here, Wade?”

“Paying my…”

“He’s not dead. Missing… yes, but Smokey isn’t dead.”

Wade nodded and placed his hands inside of his pockets as Fury took another pull of her blunt.

“Thought I made you promise me you’d quit smoking when I left?”

“Thought I made you promise to keep in touch when you left?”

The hint of a smile that had been on the corners of Wade’s mouth fell. His shoulders caved. Eyes lowered.

Hope you read and enjoy!

Click here to purchase!