Expectation stems from the potential of what you think a person or relationship can be in your life. The problem with unmet or unrealistic expectations is that when whatever you were expecting doesn’t happen the way you thought it would you are disappointed.
Expectations aren’t fair.
The reason why expectations aren’t fair is because we have a tendency to blame the person that we were expecting something from. If you’re expecting something from a person that they agreed to give you that’s fine, and you have every right to be disappointed; but if you’re expecting something from someone that they have no intentions of giving you, or don’t even know that you require, you cannot blame them.
You have to blame yourself.
More often than not, we expect something from someone and when we don’t get it we make that person feel as if they aren’t doing what they should be. Like they don’t have anything to offer. Like it’s their fault that we aren’t satisfied. And that my friends leads to insecurity.
With one ex I expected so much from him. I expected him to be my boyfriend, my provider, my best friend, my lover, my father, my everything. He hadn’t signed on for all of that but he tried to do all he could for me and still do what he needed to do for himself, his family and his daughter.
I didn’t realize how much of a weight I was putting on him. I felt like he wasn’t giving me what I needed when honestly it wasn’t his job to. But when we broke up and I had the chance to look at everything he’d done and everything I’d done I realized one of the biggest mistakes I made with him was expecting so much from him. When he couldn’t supply I disrespected him and what he tried to offer.
With another ex, honey, I expected him to understand that I’d been hurt before. That I’d just gotten out of a situation similar to his, and because I told him and he promised he wouldn’t put me in that type of situation again I expected him to do right by me.
I had every right to be mad at honey when he fell through with what he promised me. On the other hand – I had absolutely no right to be mad at the first ex or even be disappointed when he couldn’t do what I wanted him to. The sooner you realize what you require from a person the better, and when you meet someone let them know what you need from them and what you will be expecting.
If they can give it, great! If they can’t don’t settle. Move on. If you settle and they disappoint you one or both of you are going to walk away from that relationship damaged. Communicate. And remember, you can’t expect what you don’t inspect.