In my feelz…

In my feelz…

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I’m a few hours away from uploading my 10th fiction book… 15th total and I’m battling such a draining and negative energy.

His Piece of Peace did tremendously well.

Teach Me how to Love Again wasn’t as well received… but those that did read it loved it.

Now I’m getting ready to publish Power and Elle and I just feel bad.

I feel like a robot. I feel like I’m on autopilot. I wake up. I write. I edit. I interact with people via social media. And then the next day I start all over again.

When I imagined my life as a fulltime Author, I saw myself making enough money to pay my bills, save, and travel all over the world. I would go to churches and schools and book club meetings and talk to women about womanhood. Love. Relationships. Beauty. I saw myself being fulfilled. I saw myself impacting people’s lives in a positive way.

I saw myself traveling with cases of my books. Setting up shop. Interacting with my readers. Signing copies. Taking pictures.

I saw myself walking into libraries and black owned bookstores and seeing shelves filled with my books.

My backup plan was to be a Teacher who traveled on every break to promote my books and reach my readers.

And if all else failed and no one wanted to read my work I would be a Housewife who wrote for me and God lol.

But in this age of Ebooks it’s so easy to lose perspective and get caught up in charts and #1 spots and sales and downloads and…… it all becomes so mechanical.

My truest pleasure comes from the reviews. From people telling me that something that I created touched them. I don’t know… I guess Ebooks seem so unpersonal. I feel like I’m disconnected from my dreams. Like… I’m watching myself live it from the outside looking in… but I’m not fully experiencing it the way I thought I would.

I can’t imagine how crazy I sound. I’ve had great success since my first release November of last year. I’ve started my own publishing company. I’m not complaining at all. I guess I just want more. I want to experience all this journey has to offer me.

I don’t know where this journey is going to take me. No, I know where this journey is going to take me. It’s going to take me where I take me. 2017 will be my year of traveling and networking and connecting with my readers. 2017 will be my year of poetry sets and open mic nights. 2017 will be my year of alkalining my body and getting every area of my life prosperous and right.

2016 may be the year of Ebooks for me… but my God… 2017 I will be the Author I always dreamed of being. I have to be. I just have to be.

 

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