A letter to my future husband…

A letter to my future husband…

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🙂 <- that right there… that’s genuine. That’s a smile at just the thought of you. For the past week or so I’ve been on this, ‘wholeness’ journey. Becoming a better me for you. Preparing myself for you. I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process. The main thing being how difficult it has been in the past for me to celebrate myself and acknowledge my growth; but today I did just that. Today, I realized that I’m content in my singleness. I’m content in this time of preparation and wholeness. I’ve accepted that right now is the time for me to better me. To hustle and stack my bread. To chase my dreams. To write my books. To clear my skin and whiten my teeth. To thicken my thighs and round out my booty 🙂 hahaha. It’s the truth though! I’m so happy right now in my singleness because I know that I’m so close to running across you as I walk this path to God.

I don’t know if you think about me, but I think about you. I pray for you. I smile just at the thought of you. You can’t imagine how I’m going to act when we meet. I’m so ready to see you. Become your friend. Gain access to your heart, mind, soul, and spirit. I committed myself to a life of celibacy to prepare for you. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I’m not giving another man access to what’s yours within me. How can I be whole for you if I keep giving pieces of myself away? Alls I know is you better be doing the same! Don’t let me find out you out here playing around and giving away what rightfully belongs to me. I don’t think you are, though. I’m sure you’re committed to becoming better just like me. I’m sure you’re somewhere living this dope artistic spiritual fulfilling life. I’m sure you aren’t even thinking about me because you’re asleep… waiting for God to finish working on me. God, I can’t wait until I see your face. I can’t help but wonder how you’re going to look and feel when you look at me and wake up from your sleep.

I don’t know how much longer it’s going to take… but I know we’re both worth the wait. I wrote a poem for you a little while ago called The Vow. I probably won’t be able to ever recite it for you 🙂 so I’ll just leave it here…

The Vow

And they each left a hole in my soul

That I pray one day you’ll peep through

To satisfy my craving and my need for you

To be the one who sees right through me

Flesh, flaws and all and accepts me

Because I am a mirrored reflection of you

Your counterpart

Your rib and protector of your heart

I want to lose myself in you

And allow you access to find yourself in me

So in order to prepare myself for you accept this as my vow of celibacy

Not just from sex but mentally and emotionally

I’m not giving what’s yours within me to another man

Baby I’m saving me

You’re the last man I want to know intimately

See

I understand that a man spends his days trying to stay between a woman’s thighs trying to get back to the nurture and love and bond he experienced with his mother before he left her womb so I promise you that after we say I do even in the image of two becoming one, one will be too big of a number to express how close we’ll be but we will be the infinity between 0 and 0.1

I want our minds to intertwine in such a way that throughout the day I can’t tell if I’m thinking for me or you let your voice seep into my subconscious and whisper your words into my heart when distance keeps us apart

I want to show you that ugly side of me emotionally where I bear my soul and you see the cuts scars and wounds from men before you and you choose to pull up the roots and love the pain out of me baby love the pain out of me see me see me so intimately that you see in to me and see that I don’t know how to love any way other than hard and passionately and let it consume you make you feel like the King you are to know that a Queen adores you

I want to pray with you star and eye gaze with you lock hands in silent romance and speak no words for hours because our vibe speaks volumes and lips opening is unnecessary unless it is to kiss

I even want to watch football with you and ask you 50 questions until I annoy you and you finally pull me into your lap and hush me never will you rush me to commit because you understand my fear of losing the men I love no you just…love me love me with all that is within you transferred within me

I don’t know who you are or what’s taking you so long they say home is where the heart is baby I’m ready to come home I’m tired of

Living heartless

Find me

See me see me so intimately that you see in to me

In all of my vulnerability and transparency

And be my warrior be brave enough to stay

Because it’s not going to be easy making your way through this dark cold cave

That I call my heart

But when you awaken the love within me I promise you I’ll be the perfect ending to a beginning that I can’t wait to start.

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