I remember being at a low point in my life, and asking God, “Why do I have to keep going through this over and over again? Why do I keep attracting these types of men? Is there something within me that causes these types of men to cling to me? Why does this keep happening over and over again?”
The answer – I failed my test. I didn’t learn my lesson. I kept doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.
In essence, my purpose and passion revolves around love and relationships. So, most of my greatest struggles in life have come from love and relationships. That pain led to my purpose.
What I was supposed to do was learn from my mistakes and grow from them. I was supposed to take all that I learned and share that with someone else. If I was presented with that test again I was supposed to do the opposite of what I did the first time. <- that is where I failed. I learned my mistakes. I shared them with those going through similar experiences, but when it was time for me to really prove that I had changed, I would do the exact same thing I did before.
I created a cycle. A cycle of failure. A cycle of loving a losing. I had to realize that what I was losing wasn’t really a loss. It was an opportunity for me to strengthen my character.
So I asked God, “What do I need to do? I want more of you. I want a genuine relationship with you. I want a healthy and lasting relationship with a man that is meant for me. One filled with communication, honesty, consistency and unconditional love. What do I need to do?”
Then… I received this “random” text message…
The next day, one of the guys that I used to be in a toxic relationship with messaged me on Facebook and I realized that conversation was about to lead to this cycle starting up all over again. It was about to lead to another six months to a year being wasted. Love being wasted. Energy and time being wasted. Intimacy being wasted. Unnecessary pain and disappointment that comes from being with someone you have absolutely no intentions of marrying just because you’re bored or tired of being single.
I chose for the first time to end that cycle before it even began. I chose to learn from my mistakes, share them with the world, and not repeat the same actions over and over again. I chose for the first time to pass this relational test.
I’d rather be single, happy and at peace than in a relationship filled with uncertainty and unhappiness all for the sake of being able to change my relationship status.
Sometimes, we keep ourselves in situations we want to get out of out of comfort. Out of fear. Out of ignorance.
Here’s what I learned – your thoughts determine how you feel and what you believe about something. How you feel about something determines your actions. Your actions determine whether or not you will have the same or a different outcome.
If you’re stuck in a cycle that’s leaving you empty or filled with unhappiness and a lack of peace check your thoughts. What are you feeding your mind? How do you really feel about the situation? Do you really believe what you’re going through is unhealthy or are you satisfied with the place you’re in?
Change your thoughts. Watch that change how you feel and what you believe. Let what you believe change your actions, and when your actions change… what how your life transforms!
Lesson learned! Are you going to learn from my mistakes? Or will you ignore this warning and continue to make your own?
Peace, love and blessings!